So what have you been doing with your time??
Now that is a tricky one for the stayathomebachelor©. Whether you are being eyeballed by a prospective employer or being given the once over by the incredibly attractive woman your friend's wife FINALLY set you up with, there is a tendency to want to be truthful. Resist. You don't want to outright lie, but you don't want tell the full truth either. Logging hundreds of hours of college basketball on ESPN (unpaid mention) in a quest to ace the March Madness pool is not the money making venture people are hoping to hear from you.
Instead, stay focused and stick to simple answers that leave much to the imagination: "Interviewing"; "Taking Classes" "Practicing a foreign language", all work if you leave it at that. No one needs to know that the interview was only with your best friend's father; the class was just a one hour tutorial at the Apple Store (unpaid mention); and your foreign language studies only occur while paying at the corner bodega. This is one of those times that less is definitely more.
And just as it is important to know what to say, it is equally important to know what NOT to say. So, as a public service announcement to all stayathomebachelors, here are the ten things you should never say...to anyone...at anytime...
10. Let me explain the difference between Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz...
9. I've been saving so much by clipping coupons.
8. Do you think I could be an ultimate fighting champion?
7. Today on Oprah...
6. I wish MTV would bring back Jackass.
5. Did you know movies only cost six bucks before 2PM on Wednesdays?
4. I love a good nap in the afternoon.
3. Did Obama extend unemployment benefits?
2. No, Scores isn't there anymore.
1. 9 AM??? That's kind of early isn't it???
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Words to Live By
"No one likes a sore loser". Lessons learned on the playground of our youth still hold true in adulthood and business. For some, easier said than done, especially when security is hovering over you while you pack your boxes. There is an inner desire to take your "Employee of The Month" award from two years ago and "regift" to your now former boss in perhaps not the most subtle of manners. And while you might be forgiven for an impetuous action in a moment of stress, "remember the time that guy went ballistic" becomes your legacy. A newly minted stay at home bachelor© hopefully would have handled the situation more wisely and tactfully (which of course would have been the first signal he could be accepted into the brotherhood). The person firing you today could be rehiring you tomorrow, or at least providing a reference.
And it doesn't get any easier from there. For the next several months the same question keeps coming, "so what happened?". "I got screwed" and any other variation of said theme is just not an acceptable response for a stay at home bachelor©. No one wants to be around, or for that matter, hire an angry person. Maintaining a level of dignity, respect and decorum about your situation is critical to maintain proper social and business standing. Being a stay at home bachelor© means that you can take it on the chin and deal with a momentary setback. A stay at home bachelor© knows that living well is the best revenge, and that is what we intend to do (more on that in future post). So, yes, please continue to invite us to cocktail and dinner parties, we won't be the downer in the corner. Please continue to consider us for employment, we won't poison the well.
I was inspired to write this post by Jim Caldwell, the coach of the the Indianapolis Colts. Moments after losing the Super Bowl, perhaps the most important game in his life and one in which his team was heavily favored to win, microphones were thrust into his face and reporters asked for his reaction to the loss. With over 100 million people watching and expected some time honored sports cliche about how the better team may not have won today, the stoic rookie head coach instead invoked the words of 19th century poet William Ernest Henley's poem, Invitcus (yes, that is where the movie got it's name) when he said, "our heads are bloody, but unbowed". Simple, dignified, graceful. Now those are words to live by.
The StayAtHomeBachelor©
For a full text of Invictus: http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/invictus/
And it doesn't get any easier from there. For the next several months the same question keeps coming, "so what happened?". "I got screwed" and any other variation of said theme is just not an acceptable response for a stay at home bachelor©. No one wants to be around, or for that matter, hire an angry person. Maintaining a level of dignity, respect and decorum about your situation is critical to maintain proper social and business standing. Being a stay at home bachelor© means that you can take it on the chin and deal with a momentary setback. A stay at home bachelor© knows that living well is the best revenge, and that is what we intend to do (more on that in future post). So, yes, please continue to invite us to cocktail and dinner parties, we won't be the downer in the corner. Please continue to consider us for employment, we won't poison the well.
I was inspired to write this post by Jim Caldwell, the coach of the the Indianapolis Colts. Moments after losing the Super Bowl, perhaps the most important game in his life and one in which his team was heavily favored to win, microphones were thrust into his face and reporters asked for his reaction to the loss. With over 100 million people watching and expected some time honored sports cliche about how the better team may not have won today, the stoic rookie head coach instead invoked the words of 19th century poet William Ernest Henley's poem, Invitcus (yes, that is where the movie got it's name) when he said, "our heads are bloody, but unbowed". Simple, dignified, graceful. Now those are words to live by.
The StayAtHomeBachelor©
For a full text of Invictus: http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/invictus/
Saturday, February 6, 2010
The Manifesto
In a city (NY) where what you do is sometimes more important than who you are, the Great Recession has created a whole host of anxiety inducing moments. For a certain class of single men who had become accustomed to brandishing business cards and platinum cards as a type of social introduction, but who now find themselves among the 15 million or so unemployed, that moment comes when someone asks, "so, what do you do for a living?". It's doubly ego-challenging when the question is charmingly raised by an attractive single female.
Married men, especially those with children, have it much easier. Earnest answers like, "I'm spending more time with my family", or "I am enjoying the simple pleasure of walking my daughter to school each day", help avoid the question and yet still convey dignity and elicit respect in this challenging moment. Times might be tough, but he is a good family man with good family values is the thinking.
For single guys, not so easy. Shopworn answers such as "consulting", "thinking of starting my own business", "exploring my options" are just euphemisms for "I'm out of work and trying to figure it out". They don't exactly telegraph "desirability". And unlike the the married guy in the exact same situation who comes across as a solid citizen, the single guy comes across as a bit adrift. Regardless of one's economic situation, no one likes to see a single man with too much time on his hands.
The answer for all you former masters of your own universe, is a new term I would like to introduce to the world (after having of course copyrighted it, established a domain name, printed t-shirts, retained a literary and hollywood agent) is, I am a "stay at home bachelor©". In one fell swoop, you will have disarmed the situation and charmed the woman sitting next to you at that dinner party you were dreading. Saying I am a stay at home bachelor© with a sly smile tells the world, "I may be out of work, but that hasn't stopped me from enjoying life and from being fun to be around". It immediately bestows a bit of rakish charm on the speaker and is so preposterous that it actually works. It shows the world you have a sense a humor about your situation and also the confidence to know you are going to bounce back better than before. And in case you haven't noticed, many women find humor and confidence quite attractive. (Incidentally, it also puts you are equal footing with those sanctimonious stay at home dads.)
Now, there is much more to being a "stay at home bachelor" than merely claiming it to be your current occupation. You have to live a a certain life and have style to make a claim to the throne. This blog will explore the many ways one lives the stay at home bachelor© life and maintains his standing and desirability in social circles while "searching for the next big thing". I hope you will both follow and humor me in cyberspace.
Cheers,
The StayAtHomeBacehlor©
Married men, especially those with children, have it much easier. Earnest answers like, "I'm spending more time with my family", or "I am enjoying the simple pleasure of walking my daughter to school each day", help avoid the question and yet still convey dignity and elicit respect in this challenging moment. Times might be tough, but he is a good family man with good family values is the thinking.
For single guys, not so easy. Shopworn answers such as "consulting", "thinking of starting my own business", "exploring my options" are just euphemisms for "I'm out of work and trying to figure it out". They don't exactly telegraph "desirability". And unlike the the married guy in the exact same situation who comes across as a solid citizen, the single guy comes across as a bit adrift. Regardless of one's economic situation, no one likes to see a single man with too much time on his hands.
The answer for all you former masters of your own universe, is a new term I would like to introduce to the world (after having of course copyrighted it, established a domain name, printed t-shirts, retained a literary and hollywood agent) is, I am a "stay at home bachelor©". In one fell swoop, you will have disarmed the situation and charmed the woman sitting next to you at that dinner party you were dreading. Saying I am a stay at home bachelor© with a sly smile tells the world, "I may be out of work, but that hasn't stopped me from enjoying life and from being fun to be around". It immediately bestows a bit of rakish charm on the speaker and is so preposterous that it actually works. It shows the world you have a sense a humor about your situation and also the confidence to know you are going to bounce back better than before. And in case you haven't noticed, many women find humor and confidence quite attractive. (Incidentally, it also puts you are equal footing with those sanctimonious stay at home dads.)
Now, there is much more to being a "stay at home bachelor" than merely claiming it to be your current occupation. You have to live a a certain life and have style to make a claim to the throne. This blog will explore the many ways one lives the stay at home bachelor© life and maintains his standing and desirability in social circles while "searching for the next big thing". I hope you will both follow and humor me in cyberspace.
Cheers,
The StayAtHomeBacehlor©
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